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| “No real-fly-fishin’-man would wear ‘wimp-assed’ waders in ‘wet-wadin’-time’ Eh?” story ©2010 Les Booth; painting, Wading Wet, ©2010 Diane Michelin |
The phone was nearing the end of its ring cycle. Two more rings and the really cool answering machine voice would engage.
“Hey Y’all! This is Curt’s sexy, silky voiced digital female assistant. I’ll take your call, but Curt isn’t here. He’s somewhere getting wet, freezin’ his ass off and loving it so much I have no idea when he’ll be back. But don’t fret! He calls me everyday; he can’t live without hearing my voice. Clearly say your name, the date you’re calling, state – clearly – what you need and leave Curt a callback number. He’ll get back to you… ’cause you can only wet wade in 50 degree water just so long. Thanks for calling. <Kiss!> .. Beeeeep.
Well, she’s sultry, witty and tireless. She’s wonderful … but she didn’t get to prove it – again – this time.
“Hi. This is Curt. What can I interrupt to assist you?”
“Wow dude, you really know how to make a person feel welcome. When did you join the International Order of Misanthropes?”
“Hey, Josh. Frick! If I’d have known it was you I’d have let CC answer the phone.”
“CC? Who’s that? You got a new roomie or something?”
“Nah! That’s my new sexatary answering machine. Her name is Chrome-Cathy. I call her ‘CC’. You’d get a kick out her… knowing just how much of a perv you are!”
“Gee, thanks.”
“No problemo pard. So, why’d you call? Surely, not to get a verbal butt kickin’ from me. Whatcha up to?”
“Well, I’m off on a fishing adventure in 3 weeks and wanted to know if you’d like to join me.”
“Where we goin’?”
“Idaho. Small drainage on the eastern side of the state. It’s remote. Quiet. No people. And it has some of the best Cutthroat fishing this side of 1840.”
“So, where exactly in ‘eastern Idaho’ is our paradise located?”
“It’s in the Selway-Bitteroot Wilderness, just west of the Montana border. It is remote! Nearest road is 30 miles away. We have to fly in or do a hard 3 days on horseback. This is one of – if not the most – remote area in the lower 48 states. Mountain lion, black bear, gray wolf, elk, deer, bobcat and a whole lot more are still in abundant supply. It’s not a place for city folk.”
“When do we pack?”
“In three weeks. Booked 2 weeks in the only lodge in the area, starting 21st July.”
“So, what do I need to bring? I take it we’ll be doing a lot of back country hiking, right?”
“Yep. That’s all we’ll be doing. That and overnight camping; at least 6 of the 14 days.”
“So why did you book the lodge?”
“Best place to stay. Best access to the area. Best food in 60 miles. And they’ll come get us if we get ‘stuck’.”
“OK. Just thought I’d ask.”
“Pack rod – fly only, of course.”
“Duh? Yeeaaah!”
“Count on bead-head nymphs, Stimulators, Hairs-ear nymphs.. and some gawd-awful big Wooley Buggers. Black, dark-purple and olive w/flecks of sparkle dun in ’em. There are the occasional Bull Trout in those waters, too. Don’t want to pass that up, eh?”
“OK! Sounds pretty much par-for-du-course, Bro. And thanks for the inclusion.”
“Oh and Curt, don’t forget your camera crap… OK?”
“Right! You smart-acre! I got the ‘hint’ 10 years ago. Just remember… I don’t ever ask anyone else to carry my ‘camera crap’ and y’all -always- love to look at the ‘purdy pictures’ I bring home. Eh? Take care. Hey! Gotta run. Finally got hold of a live-one! A real cash-paying victim .. uh, er… I mean ‘client’.”
“Well, that’s good to hear. Maybe you’ll actually pay for a beer or two on this trip. Eh?”
“Careful dude. You know which of us runs faster. And I’d bet $2-and-a-donut’ that there are cougar where we’ll be goin’. So… just remember what ‘slow-buddies’ are for…!”
“OOOOO! Shaking in my waders already.”
“Waders? Dude, who’ll have waders? We’ll be there in July, ‘wet-wadin’-time’ !! No real-fly-fishin’-man would wear ‘wimp-assed’ waders in ‘wet-wadin’-time’ Eh?????”
“Are you crazy dude? We’re talking about Idaho.. high altitude… cold mountain streams. Freeze your jewels off cold water man. Not to mention rocks… and along with the cougars – there are rattlesnakes. So, call me ‘wimp-assed’ all you want, but I’ll be wearing waders.”
“Hey, I’m just sayin’.”
“Gotta run. Talk with you again in a week.”
“Sure thing and thanks again .. REALLY! .. for the invite. I’m looking forward to it.”
[Two months later]
Rinnnng. Rinnng. Rinnnng. Rinnng.
“Hey Y’all! This is Curt’s sexy, silky voiced – and now really worried – digital female assistant. I’ll take your call, but Curt isn’t here. He’s somewhere getting wet, freezin’ his ass off and loving it so much I have no idea when he’ll be back. I thought he’d have called in …long before now. But don’t fret! In the past he’s called me everyday; he can’t live without hearing my voice. At least… I thought he couldn’t. You know the drill – After the ‘Beeep’, say your name clearly; state the date you’re calling and what you need. Please speak clearly as you leave Curt a callback number. He’ll get back to you: I’m now only assuming this is still true. ‘Cause you can only wet wade in 50 degree water just so long. Thanks for calling and please, remember Curt fondly. I certainly do. <Kiss!>
.. Beeeeep.
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